The Reality of My Breastfeeding Journey

It’s amazing to become a parent, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Kate Zurenko, a mother and former patient, shares a first-person description of her experiences with nursing.

This post was a part of the #MommyMonday blog series that Michigan Medicine Health ran for a brief month. Check out the previous articles in this series if you’re a parent or a caregiver and want to learn more about mastitis, how to preserve breast milk and formula appropriately, or how to improve latching when nursing.

I used to pretend to breastfeed my baby like a “real” mom when I was a child and played “home.” Whether or not I wanted to breastfeed was beyond doubt.

Breastfeeding with my first son went astonishingly smoothly right away. I was therefore excited and confident to breastfeed once more when I had Theo.

I didn’t know what to expect.

Beginning again

From Theo’s earliest days of existence, it was difficult to breastfeed him. Looking back, I can see that I really needed some time to find a calm, comfortable setting for that initial latch. But I was too eager, and so was the nurse. The room was still humming with the activity of immediate post-delivery care, so the nurse sought to put him on my breast right away despite my requests.

But something was awry right away. From then, breastfeeding Theo presented me with a number of fresh and unanticipated difficulties. And failure emotions came along with those new challenges.

My breasts presented a number of difficulties, ranging from breast size to nipple shape, which made it quite challenging for my infant to properly place his mouth and latch. Even now, I have to support my weight-bearing breasts when Theo feeds in order to keep him latched.

There will be a learning curve, as I anticipated. I anticipated that the procedure would require effort, patience, and time. The bleeding, breaking, badly clogged milk ducts, and this new baby’s complete inability to latch on to my left side despite our best efforts were things I had never previously encountered.

I tried my hardest to breastfeed effectively. I would carefully attempt to latch him on the left during each feed while pumping the left side seven or eight times a day for 10-15 minutes each. The lengthy cycle of feeding, pumping, and latch attempts left me fatigued.

WATCH: What are the benefits of breastfeeding?

And to make matters worst, I was producing so much milk that I soaked through nearly 300 breast pads, which only made me feel worse.

He was gaining weight well, which was good news during our visits to the pediatrician. The healthcare professionals noted this as a sign of effective breastfeeding and commented that everything appeared to be in order given my baby’s healthy growth.

But I couldn’t help but wonder if everything was really okay.

It didn’t feel appropriate to ask more questions about myself during these brief sessions because he was growing normally. I was lonely and alone. I questioned whether other mothers in a comparable scenario felt the same way.

Seeking help

I finally took part in Michigan Medicine’s breastfeeding support program three months after Theo was born in an effort to figure out how to enhance our breastfeeding experience. Their occupational and physical therapists worked with Theo and I. They described his latch as “aggressive and chompy” right immediately.

Theo received adequate calories without ever having the hind milk removed because of a strong letdown and excessive milk supply. Because of this, I was more susceptible to clogged ducts, which made me ill and feverish.

Their answers had a profound impact on lives. They used therapeutic ultrasonography to dislodge the clogs and showed me how to perform manual lymph drainage to increase fluid flow. We discovered that Theo’s palate was higher than that of other infants, which contributed to his eating issues.

He underwent mouth stretching exercises, and the results of this therapy were dramatic improvements in his latch. The trajectory for the two of us was radically altered by their assistance and knowledge.

Reflecting back with some advice

Now that Theo is almost a year old, I wanted to offer some guidance to those mothers who are starting their own breastfeeding experiences or are currently in the thick of it:

1. Don’t rush into breastfeeding after delivery. Pause, take a deep breath and wait until you feel ready.

I don’t think breastfeeding will establish or destroy a link with your baby, whether you do it right away or 20 minutes after giving birth. I wish I had introduced breastfeeding to Theo in a quiet, private setting.

I also wish I had accepted the opportunity to have a lactation consultant visit me in my hospital room. Instead, I was confident that Theo and I would establish a routine. Avoid letting pride stand in your way!

2. Remember that not all moms, or babies, are the same. And that’s OK.

Your experience is unique to you. Recognize your own goodness and the fact that you’re trying your best. I recall being envious of mothers who could breastfeed their children “on-the-go.” I found it upsetting that this was something that I could never seem to get right.

Remind yourself that every mother and every baby will experience breastfeeding in a unique way.

3. Look for the positives.

Although my excess milk caused numerous problems, it also gave me the chance to donate to the Bronson Mothers’ Milk Bank and aid others. I was so happy to know I could help another mom who was struggling.

4. It’s easy to give all your energy to your baby, but check-in with yourself regularly.

Recognize your feelings as they arise throughout the day. Acknowledging unpleasant feelings can be empowering and aid in tuning into the requirements of your own body. Additionally, it helps you become a stronger advocate for both you and your infant within the healthcare system.

As a new mother, you are always learning. Trust your instincts, and speak out if anything doesn’t feel right.

5. Connect with loved ones or experts for support during calmer times when it doesn’t feel like your world is crashing down. 

A conversation, phone call, or joke may make my entire day. It might be challenging to listen to advice when you’re in the thick of things and don’t want to give up. An expectant mother with postpartum depression may find these times particularly difficult.

Make time to talk, weep, or laugh with a friend or family member when things are calmer to assist reduce tension. You can contact them or meet them in person.

Therefore, express your emotions every day. Consult a qualified lactation specialist for assistance. And remember that you are never by yourself.

My battle to breastfeed was genuine. Real, lovely, and uniquely my. Likewise, yours will be.